You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
