420 ftw
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
