I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
