And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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