I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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