You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
