I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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