You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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