discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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