True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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