i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
