i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
