Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
