He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
