Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
being pregnant is like rehab
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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