if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
