I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
