"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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