just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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