we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
