did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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