when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
