i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
