we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize