we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
