Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize