I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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