Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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