Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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