I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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