Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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