you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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