Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
