Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
