There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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