My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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