I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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