I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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