I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am midnight drunk by noon
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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