I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
