her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
