Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize