my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
