the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
