we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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