I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
