this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
