my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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