he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
