My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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