i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
