i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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