Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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