just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
