I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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