Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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