at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
