Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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