think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize