i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
