Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
