Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
